Breastfeeding dilemma....

Since i was a pregger, i always wanted to fully breastfeed my baby... I always talk to my belly that when ur out, mommy will bf u and give u the best... I got a lot of support from my family xspecially from cik mok n my mom...im one of lucky mommy i guess...

I do spend a lot on breastfeeding stuff, buying a good pump, konon pam tgn tu nipple sakit la kan... Hehe.. Buying a nursing cover, plan kalau2 g shopping baby nak nenen i could do it in public.... nursing bra..yg sgt standard cream colour which i hate the most.... and also nursing tops yg mahal-mcm-baju-butik tp just simple but yet usefull jugak lah... (ade secret hole boleh bukak2 ooo....utk kuarkan ehem..ehem) hee~~

But then , after i deliver auf the macho man...hihi... nurse tu tnya nak breastfeed or not?? and my answer mestilah yes... kan berkobar2 sebelum ni... im not sure if my colostrum dah ada or not... tp rasa cam ada atas sebab2 tertentu...(alahh...picit 'tut' and ade titik2 tu ade la kot)... dan trs bagi auf suck....dia pon mcm pandai...and then he's asleep after bout 10minute. i think i made it for the first step.

then i pushed to my ward... di bg makan...rehat n borak2 dgn my parent n parent-in-law.... then nurse dtg bwk auf.... she said that aku kena bagi auf minum sebanyak mungkin utk kasi dia poo-poo kalau tak dia punya sugar level akan tinggi dan mcm2 boleh jadi. Rasa sgt kekok ok nak bagi dia bf.... yelah, kan this is my first experience. rasa mcm sgt sakit kt nipple b'coz i think my milk didn't flow out.... tp auf tetap suck and cried and suck sampai dia tertido.... sampai malam tu.... he cried n im tired sebab xtido seharian dan sakit2 and i cried.... menangis sebab terlalu letih dan being unable to bf my baby.... then cik mok pggl nurse...nurse ckp baik bwk pegi nursery dan auf diberi his first fm....

After that auf disahkan pula jaundis. Dan kena tahan masuk lampu biru tuuu.... and docter said that the best way utk pulihkan dia cepat is by breastfeed.... time tu aku tinggal sorang kt hospital with auf in the nursery , cik mok balik ambil barang2... my breast engorged.... bengkak susu kate org.... so so pain full... and this is the time when i use my pump and try to pump it out... tak keluar! dan sgt sakit!.... i cried...........

every 2hours nurse akan call my room suruh aku dtg nursery to bf my baby... sebab baby xboleh keluar dari bilik tu dalam treatment....setiap kali tu la aku akan dtg sana dan try bf kat auf... tp tetap susu xkeluar... im so sad.... sebab auf hanya suck 'kosong2' saja n tertido... then masuk lampu biru panas tu dia nangis.... after all apa yg aku boleh buat... begging nurse suruh bagi dia fm...asalkan dia poo-poo , and his jaundis boleh kurang.... balik bilik aku nangis lagi when i called my mom.... she said, baru beranak xbaik sedih2...nangis2.... kena relex... but my feeling sgt sedih sebab xdapat bagi anak sendiri makan.... am i a bad mommy.....

then text cik mok...and he replied " Doa Allah permudahkan dan ada susu untuk anak kita yang kelaparan"..... lagi la aku nangis semahu2 nya....... huhu.... aku trs try pump...but this time using my hand... method alternatif la kan.... still the same... dapat la dalam 5-6 titik.... dgn nipple crack lagi...adoiai..

Mlm tu aku xboleh tido, but still try the best... pump guna tgn even titik2.... and in about 2 hours dapat dalam 5ml.... huh... then try lagi.... dapat hampir 10ml... sebab kasih sayang kat anak.... aku tebalkan muka hantar tht 10ml ke nursery for my baby.... nurse kerek kat situ pandang sgt hina...and letak dalam fridge with my name label sebelah ibu2 lain yang 4-5oz.... maybe aku sorang je la yang xde susu kot....

tp tu la.... usaha tu tangga kejayaan kot.... sepanjang kt hospital...every 1hour aku pump out to supply auf with my breast milk.... dgn harapan auf cepat sehat n discharge. and in the third day , i manage to get 40ml, by hand...

And now, after a month auf still bf with me.... even bila pump i just can get 1-2oz per session , i think that it's his demand.... docter tu kata... susu keluar by baby demand... byk mana yang dia minum....tp aku rasa mcm xcukup je... so far i still can handle auf demand but then if anything happen (xcukup susu ke) , aku rasa aku akan redha.... sebab bukan xusaha.... dari segi permakanan... i tried all the food n drink yang bykkan susu.... horlicks...soya...sardin... longan.... lobak putih.... kentang dan paling baru ASI pills.... tetap sama....

ade sesekali auf mengamuk2 sebab rasa dia haus sgt kot.... my dad ckp.... "campur je la ya"... and make me give up.... lagi2 nak naik kerja , and i just collect about 120z (2oz per bottle) of ebm.... macam mana nak naik kerja ni.... aku redha....if one day auf kena minum campur dengan fm....
bukan kate aku berputus asa.... tp lebih kepada redha....dan xnak menaruh harapan tinggi...

tp sehingga entry ini ditulis.... auf tetap dengan susu ibu....even i went out in public tetap bf dia.... still pump out milk sikit2 lama2 jadi bukit.... dan still berdoa Allah permudahkan segalanya.... and i hope every decision that i make or will make after this adalah yang terbaik....

sekian.